We’re not sure about the background of the Astronomer CEO and Chief People Officer caught on Coldplay’s kiss-cam, but this incident has sparked a conversation about workplace romances. Are they acceptable? How should they be managed?
Developing feelings for a coworker is quite common. For example, Barack and Michelle Obama met while working at a law firm in Chicago. T.J. Holmes and Amy Robach from Good Morning America left their marriages for one another, and let’s not forget the iconic Jim and Pam from The Office.
Research indicates that one in ten couples in the U.S. met at work. A Forbes survey revealed that 60% of respondents have had an office romance.
Annie Wright, a licensed marriage and family therapist, shared her insights on workplace relationships. She noted that most clients discuss emotional or physical relationships with coworkers, including affairs. “It would be easier to mention the times it hasn’t come up,” Wright says. “Engaging with a coworker is more common than people usually admit.”
Wright explains that these romances often begin with emotions—fantasies, quiet longings, and a mix of confusion and shame. If an affair is unfolding, it’s frequently less about the new relationship and more about reigniting something lost within oneself.
Even non-affair romances can complicate dynamics, affecting not just HR but also colleagues who have to navigate the ups and downs of relationships at work.
## Work is Fertile Ground for Intimacy
Workplace romances have a long history, with accounts dating back to the 1870s. Historian Julie Berebitsky’s book, “Sex & The Office: A History of Gender, Power, and Desire,” details such interactions as early as that time.
Given the average full-time worker spends about 7.6 hours a day on the job, we invest a significant portion of our waking lives with coworkers—often leading to deeper connections. Vanessa Bohns, a professor at Cornell University, explains that frequent interactions foster comfort and closeness. This is known as the “mere exposure” effect—simply being around someone can make us like or feel attracted to them.
The workplace often creates an environment where people share goals, stress, and routines, enhancing emotional intimacy. Wright explains that those experiences can create a sense of safety and connection that’s not always present in personal life.
## The Midlife Desire to Feel Alive
Wright observes an increase in workplace romances among those in their late 30s to early 50s, often coinciding with relationship re-evaluation. This isn’t necessarily a quest for infidelity, but rather an exploration of identity. As people reflect on their life choices, they may seek to reignite excitement that feels lost amid everyday routines.
When relationships fall into a monotony—like budgeting or household chores—an exhilarating connection with a coworker can serve as a wake-up call, allowing them to rediscover parts of themselves.
## Is It Okay to Have a Workplace Romance?
The visibility of workplace romances in popular culture highlights their complexity. Wright suggests that these relationships disrupt the narrative that work is separate from personal life. They challenge societal norms and ethical boundaries.
While meeting someone at work isn’t inherently wrong, it introduces complications. Research from the Society for Human Resource Management indicates that workplace romances can lead to uncomfortable or hostile environments, especially if they end. Employees could also file conflict-of-interest claims if they perceive favoritism.
It’s crucial to consider power dynamics: does one person have influence over the other’s career? To mitigate potential issues, proactive workplace policies about such romances are advisable. Bohns argues that outright bans are often ineffective.
If you find yourself involved in an office romance, it’s important to reflect on the emotional needs being addressed, especially if you’re already partnered. The goal is to understand what these feelings signify—whether it’s about seeking connection or addressing deeper issues in your life.